“Nothing really terrible happened. I’ve never been in a war. I’ve never been assaulted. I had a good childhood. I don’t think I’ve experienced trauma. So why do I still feel depressed, anxious, irritable, and on edge?” I hear some version of this all the time. Many people come to me for help convinced that because nothing “terrible” ever happened to them, their symptoms couldn’t possibly be trauma-related. They struggle with insomnia, fatigue, depression, or chronic anxiety, but they tell themselves it could never be related to trauma. After all, they’ve never experienced anything catastrophic enough to make the headlines.
But what if the same biological and psychological patterns can result from stress that seems ordinary on the surface—like years of pressure to perform, growing up feeling unseen, the end of a meaningful relationship, or living in poverty? The truth is that our limited understanding of trauma is one of the biggest barriers to mental and physical healing today, and it’s preventing a lot of people from getting the help they so desperately need.
Why the Definition of “Trauma” Has Always Been Controversial
Experts in psychiatry and psychology have debated what counts as trauma for decades. And the official definition of trauma has repeatedly shifted over the years as well. In 1980, when Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) first became recognized as a diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the definition was pretty limited: you had to have experienced an event that was “outside the range of usual human experience and markedly distressing to almost anyone” to be diagnosed (DSM-III). They gave examples like war, serious accidents, natural disasters, or sexual violence.
But over time, researchers started noticing something surprising: people who went through “ordinary” but prolonged stress—such as emotional neglect, chronic illness, racial discrimination, bereavement, or marital betrayal—sometimes developed the same cluster of symptoms seen after major trauma.
This sparked an ongoing discussion about how trauma should be defined. Some people argued that we should keep the definition strict so everyone doesn’t end up getting diagnosed with PTSD. Other people believed that, if the brain and body respond similarly whether the threat is physical or whether it’s emotional or social, then we need to expand the definition so that more people get help.
Enter—the meta-analysis
Then a meta-analysis added more context to what researchers had been noticing: it found that people who had been exposed to non–life-threatening but deeply stressful experiences can actually show comparable levels of post-traumatic stress symptoms as those who faced life-threatening trauma.
So we now know that even non-life-threatening events can trigger the symptoms we associate with PTSD. And while life-threatening events are more likely to produce more intense symptoms, non-life-threatening stressors can still trigger the same biological and psychological responses that we see in people diagnosed with PTSD. We learned from this research that your body and brain don’t need a “headline-worthy” event to activate the trauma response. But despite the fact that the nervous system doesn’t always distinguish between “big-T” trauma and chronic stress, the early definition continues to shape how we think about trauma today.
Because of an outdated understanding of how the nervous system perceives chronic stress, people continue to minimize or overlook how their chronic, less dramatic stressors have affected their nervous system, their body, and their sense of self. And they’re ultimately missing out on opportunities to finally find healing.
The Body Keeps Score—Even When the Mind Minimizes
Whether stress comes from a car accident, years of subtle emotional neglect, or something else distressing, your body interprets the stressor through the same basic pathways:
- Your hypothalamus begins the process of activating the chronic stress response.
- It sends a signal to your pituitary gland, which then sends out a hormone called ACTH.
- ACTH travels in the blood stream and signals your adrenal glands to release cortisol, our main chronic stress hormone.
Over time, chronic activation of this system can disrupt sleep, digestion, hormonal function, immunity, and mood regulation. And this is why people who have faced years of emotional neglect, relational conflict, or chronic workplace pressure can experience fatigue, anxiety, and even physical pain that look pretty similar to someone recovering from an acute traumatic event.
Rather than being in the reaction itself, the difference is oftentimes simply in how we refer to it. But if you believe your distress doesn’t “qualify” as trauma, then you’re much more likely to delay getting help. You may internalize your symptoms or chalk it up to personal weakness or lack of resilience. But I want you to know that trauma, at its core, isn’t about how dramatic the event was. It’s more about how deeply it affected your nervous system.
Why “Everyday” Stress Can Become Traumatic
Rather than being just about what happened to you, trauma and its physical and mental effects are more about what happened inside you. If your nervous system didn’t have the opportunity to recover from prolonged or overwhelming stress, then the effects can accumulate.
Common examples include:
Chronic stress without relief (financial strain, caregiving, ongoing workplace pressure)
Emotional neglect or invalidation (feeling unseen, unheard, or unsafe growing up)
Medical or reproductive trauma (surgery, infertility, difficult birth experiences)
Relational betrayal or loss (infidelity, abandonment, or chronic emotional conflict)
Each of these can leave subtle but lasting imprints on the brain and body. They can influence how you perceive safety, trust, and connection. And because these types of events change us long-term, they can continue to affect our relationships, our careers, our potential, and our perception of ourselves. That is, until we make the choice to address it.
A Bio-psycho-socio-spiritual Approach to Healing
In my practice, I take a bio-psycho-socio-spiritual approach to mental health. That means we look at all the interlocking pieces that influence how you think, feel, and function:
Biological:
We assess physiological contributors to mental health concerns. This includes things like thyroid function, blood sugar balance, nutrient deficiencies, hormone levels, gut health, inflammation, and genetics. When we optimize these areas, the brain can better regulate mood, energy, and focus.
Psychological:
We use evidence-based tools like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), schema therapy, and attachment theory to explore how early experiences and other life experiences shaped your beliefs and coping patterns. This helps you understand not just what you feel, but why you feel that way—and how you can change it.
Social:
We identify relational patterns and environmental stressors that may be perpetuating symptoms. And we help you build supportive connections and healthy boundaries.
Spiritual:
We explore meaning, purpose, and identity—all key components of resilience that are commonly overlooked in traditional care.
When we address all of these layers together, healing happens. When you calm the body’s stress response, reframe limiting beliefs, nurture healthy relationships, and reconnect with what gives your life meaning, you finally give your mind and body permission and the raw materials it needs to rest and recover.
You Don’t Have to “Earn” Your Trauma
One of the most important truths I share with my clients is that you don’t have to have experienced something catastrophic for your pain to be valid.
If your body is in survival mode—if you’re exhausted, anxious, hypervigilant, or emotionally numb—that’s a good enough reason for you to seek help. Take this as your nervous system simply telling you that it’s been carrying too much for too long.
Instead of seeing this as weakness, take it as the first step toward finally moving forward.
The Path Forward
Healing from trauma (whether big or small) isn’t about erasing the past. Instead, it’s about creating new patterns in the body, mind, and spirit that help you feel safe, healthy, and like yourself again.
If you’ve been minimizing your pain because you think it “wasn’t that bad,” I want to encourage you to reconsider. You deserve support, no matter what the source of your stress has been.
There is a path to feeling calm, grounded, and whole again. And it starts with understanding that trauma isn’t defined by the event itself, but by its impact.
If this resonates with you, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
I work with clients who are ready to uncover the hidden roots of their anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns and begin healing from the inside out—physically, mentally, and spiritually. Give us a call at (520) 200-8993 or schedule an initial conversation with me directly by clicking here.
Because you were made for more than just managing symptoms. You were made to thrive.